5/23/2007

Where is Bruce Campbell When You Need Him

I should preface this post by saying that dolls freak me out a little. The more baby-like they look, the freakier, in my opinion. Luckily for me, chemistry is a relatively doll-free profession. You still manage to have the weird doll-collecting grad students or postdocs who think Trolls are the coolest thing ever or something, but these people are few, far-between, and completely insane.

So one would expect when reading papers in, say, Angewandte Chemie, to not see any dolls in its papers- it is far too respectable a journal to do such a thing. Maybe you'd see some dendrimers, maybe some palladium catalysis, maybe some letters by Roald Hoffmann about the Woodward-Hoffmann-Finchsigmate rules. But not dolls. Not dolls.

I thought that. But I was wrong. Dead wrong.

A communication from Frasier Stoddart's group, one of our favorite chemists, felt the need to explain his suit[5]ane molecules with a doll analogy. And, thinking that noone has seen a doll before, they slapped one in there, on Figure 2. But not just any doll. A ZOMBIE DOLL.


Its skin is blue. BLUE. The color of dead, rotting flesh. They made it blue because the "body" part of the suitane in Fig. 1 is blue... or so they claim. I know better. THIS DOLL HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE. Look into its soulless, Hell-risen eyes.



IT WILL EAT YOUR SOUL

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

That last pic unfortunately reminds me of goatse...

Anonymous said...

The dead bodies are more gray-greenish than blue - and this is true for small dead babies also. There are some blues to be sure but they tend to be quite splotchy and in any case, it goes to brown and brownish-black rather quickly. I gues it all depends on the temperature and time, some relatively fresh floaters can turn up into ligter shades of blue although most floaters by the time they rise up again tend to be rather bleached out (fresh-water floaters get wrinkled a lot also, apart from the normal puffiness).

I don't get to play with dead bodies much but I found that dolls can be quite satisfying, you can replay things on the little tapeplayer in the doll, make your own recordings, stage tableaux and private re-enactments. It helps to keep the memories of good things alive.

Excimer said...

Anonymous, you are fucking livejournal.

milkshake said...

Incidentally, there is a Livejournal blog called "Post-mortem". Its subtitle "licking the sutures" summarizes the content quite well.

ZAL said...

The post is funny, but the comments are starting to take a strange twist...

Despina said...

Perhaps the authors of that article have a secret eljay life....it's a rather good easter egg though

Excimer said...

Responses to any and all offensive comments made on this blog can be directed to milkshake at orgprepdaily.wordpress.com. Please be rude.

Ψ*Ψ said...

Awww, come on. Milkshake is one of my favourite commenters. He just happens to have some rather unusual fetishes.

Excimer said...

Oh, he's mine too, but noone else makes offensive comments...

taitauwai said...

WOoooo... me going home tonight and watch CHUCKY 1,2,3,4,5 till me eyes glazed over.

Chemgeek said...

I'm with Excimer. I HATE lifelike dolls. I went to a wedding once where one of the gifts was a pair of 3 foot tall dolls in the likeness of the bride and groom. Geez that was freakin' weird. All of the relatives were like "Oh, isn't that so nice. Aunt Gerty made those dolls. How sweet." and I was like "WTF, these dolls are going to come alive in the middle of the night and kill the bride and groom by riping their larynxes out and reek havoc on the world with their little animated plastic bodies."

People who make dolls like this should be locked up. People who think dolls like this are cool should be locked up with the doll maker people where they will be eaten alive by these sadistic bastards!!!

I'm pretty sure that pair of dolls is stalking me as I type this.

Anonymous said...

As an aside, Bruce Campbell might just be the best thing about Spider-man 3...

taitauwai said...

Go Chucky!

Matt Jenks said...

Anonymous should realize, though, that babies who have yet to take their first breath after leaving the birth canal are quite blue. My daughter was that way until she got ye olde slap on the ass.

There is a guy who marches around a particular intersection near my house with sandwhich boards, placards and signs telling of the coming end of the world. What makes this particular prophet of doom unique is that he carries with him a life-like mannequin, which does the preaching of doom for him. I'd be more willing to listen to the hilarity if it wasn't for that damned, creepy, lifelike puppet on his arm, with the mouth moving up and down while he speaks into a microphone. The best part is that the puppet itself has it's own placard which reads "I may just be a dummy, but even I know the end is near." One final note on this guy that I find odd: he's a black fellow, but the dummy is a white child. I don't know why, but that just seems to make the whole thing a little creepier, especially in a Michael Jackson/Macauley Culkin sort of way.

Anonymous said...

as one of the people who was intimately involved during the discussion period that had led to the now infamous "blue baby" I can tell you that we had each just taken some serious socal pharma grade mescaline and one of the coauthors, who I will refer to only as "Sir" so that he remains anonymous, was having some major hallucinations. not to mention, we had just eaten a baby.