google brings you to the strangest places...

Well, these have been collecting for a while, and tonight happens to be excellent for a fluff post, so instead of chemistry you get...weird Google searches that ended up at CBC. Chemistry can wait for tomorrow, yes?

  • We have a few people who apparently don't think much of us authors:
    dumb people in grad school
    grad school for undergrad fuck ups
    the internet is full of assholes
    The third search was probably looking for Uncle Al. I wouldn't call Excimer dumb (EDIT: Excimer does)--far from it (EDIT: all the time)--but I am most definitely a fuckup, so that one's right on target. (EDIT: the last time Excimer argued with her and said she wasn't a fuckup, he got pwnz043d pretty hard. So there you go.)

  • It's pretty clear what this person was looking for:
    I wanted a shark that's big enough to eat you, and in a large enough amount of liquid so that you could imagine you were in there with it.
    I really don't know why, though.

  • A few people appeared to be legitimately seeking information, but I don't know why Google thought they might find it here:
    % of men who act on gay curiosities
    pics of what mole poo looks
    what happens when you see medusa's gaze
    how to edit a picture to look like an acid trip
    I guess I should take that last one as a compliment? The colorful things in the lab never make me wonder whether I'm tripping acid, though.

  • This person has apparently been reading too much Palahniuk:
    can you live without a cerebral cortex

  • whereas this one has a grooming issue:
    removing nasal hair

  • and this one probably cut himself after finding nothing emo except for an emergency button on CBC:
    something emo to read

  • The last few are just WEIRD, and there's no sane way to categorize them, so here they are:
    condoms clothesline weird
    tennis ball machine gun
    wanting to break hot water heater
    I wonder why these wackos never comment. Or maybe they do...

EDIT: The past hour has seen all sorts of searches, presumably from people who already
read CBC. My favorites are carbon-based condoms and is my nasal hair large enough.


mevans said...

Well jeez, now that you've posted this I can't go searching for odd combinations! You're the first hit for "tennis ball made of nasal hair."

...the second hit is a miniature, swearing punching bag...it abuses you when you hit it. A finger-shaped nose hair trimmer is listed on the same page.

God bless the internet.

Anonymous said...

Jes, try this - carbon-based nanotampon

hegemon359 said...

so should I stop now?

btw, "i legitimately seeking emergency shark mole recipe information large enough amount" doesn't work :(

milkshake said...

Should I try to google for "carbon-flavored condoms" - to see where it takes us?

(I have an alarming memory about an incident with a chocolate-flavored product + my mother-in-law to be).

Uncle Al said...

Why would anybody search for Uncle Al? All he does is demand empirical observation is literal truth. Then he shoves a sheaf of refereed lit. cites up yer fundament.

OTOH, there is Dr. Abfällig Matsch Schund. Truth? You can't handle the truth!


userlame said...

I tried various combinations of "mink toothbrush" with google, but it never took me here.

Chemgeek said...

Ψ*Ψ, on a different note, when I saw this week's C&EN I immediately thought of you [not for the part about prison].

Hap said...

1) "Is my nasal hair big enough" -for what? I don't have any idea, and I'm guessing that I really don't want to know.

2) I suspect lots of incidents with mother-in-laws yield alarming memories - though that one sounds like a real low point.

Ψ*Ψ said...

Chemgeek: Which story was this?

cow_2001 said...

hap - for better filtration of air.

Chemgeek said...

The front cover. I first thought it was a story about tattoos or something.

ReluctantChemist said...

"carbon-based spam sushi igloos" - CBC is at the top!

Anonymous said...

The quote “I wanted a shark that's big enough to eat you, and in a large enough amount of liquid so that you could imagine you were in there with it.” is said by Damien Hirst. He is a famous british artist who places dead animals in formaldehyde. This quote is about a tiger shark he placed in a glass tank.